For my Eminent speech, I tackled a challenging topic: “The eminence of Nikola Tesla described from the eyes of his sworn enemy: Thomas Edison”. I couldn’t stay in character as the villain who scammed, stole from, and criticized tesla in order to convince the world that Tesla is anything but eminent, while also explaining why Tesla is the greatest inventor ever. I think I found a really nice balance, however. without further ado, here is my speech.
“When you look at that electric spark, what do you see? AC or DC, a reminder that we re in the future? Well you are. But what should you see? You choose to see me. But still, you ask for me to talk about Nicola Tesla. Almost one hundred and fifty years after he died mad? You had the chance to crown the messiah, but all you did was take him for granted? He was the answer to all your problems but what happened to him? He went insane and died with no one by his side. You threw away a future with free energy, a blue sky everyday, a world where you don’t need to fear about war and forever avoid anything like pearl harbour, just because it asked of you to care! Now one hundred and fifty years later, you ask the villain of his story to tell you why he is eminent?
I’m sorry, im being hypocritical. When I mean you, I mean me. People like me are the reason you have been denied all his gifts. So for that I am truly sorry. The best I can do is ensure none of you ever forget his name. To do that, I cant just be standing around praising him and telling you everything good he has ever done. To me, he will almost be a mad, moronic, scum of the earth that I respect so much. Me and him were the furthest thing from friends
I thought he’s was a cute inventor you know? A real cockroach of a man. He really believed that I would give some Serbian madman ten thousand American dollars for “fixing” my direct current! Did you know how many Serbian slaves I could buy with that money? How special did he think he was? Sorry, I got a little carried away, I forgot to introduce myself. Thomas Edison, entrepreneur, businessman, and greatest inventor in the damn world! Here are some business cards if you ever have any unique ideas you want to sell, I’m your man. Back on topic, as you can tell, I was not very fond of Tesla, so if I do go off a little off topic, please do understand.
I believe he was born in Austrian Empire July 10th 1856? Prodigies are one thing, but I guess you could say, Tesla was something else. As a child, he could speak eight languages: Serbo-Croatian ,Czech, English, German, French, Hungarian, Latin, and Italian. He could build and revise large scale projects to perfection entirely in his brain. And created a motor powered by beetles only as an adolescent. Not that it’s a big deal or anything.
On June 6th, 1884 the fool arrived at my country with only four pennies to try and make a name for himself. I picked him out of the rubble and hired him. He proved himself as an intellectual titan among my men, so I moved him up the ranks really fast. That’s when our problems started to reveal itself. Jokingly, I cannot emphasize this word jokingly enough. I asked him to fix my direct current problems for 1.1 million dollars in today’s money. JOKINGLY! And the man actually fixed my direct current and asked for his money! Can you believe him? I thought Tesla was suppose to be some sort of genius, but he can’t even understand basic humor? For those of you that don’t know, direct current is an electric current going on direct way, developed by yours truly. After that happened, he teamed up with some dim-wit named George Westinghouse to develop another way to transport electricity: alternating current or AC for short. Slowly by slowly, AC gained more popularity than my direct current, and he gained some recognition. From that day forward, I made sure that his genius would never be recognized again, ever. Thus began our feud. After our quibble of the currents ended, Tesla went on to travel the world and developed new ideas. Good for him.Unfortunately for him, most of his inventions were never spread globally because no one believed they could work. He wasn’t an inventor! Tesla was just a schizophrenic who could make things! My apologies, that may have been a little inaccurate. What I meant to say was he was a pure mad scientist and created things out of the fantasy that no one has even dreamed of yet.
During the peak of his career, he created things such as a death ray, which use vacuums to fire high energy particles at a distance of over 150 miles. He proposed this to both the US and the British government in the hopes of saving millions of lives from bombings and invasions. Both countries turned him down. Despite the negative response the world gave him, he kept working on contraptions such as weather control, communication bridges to other planets, harnessing cosmic rays, x-ray guns, and my favorite: his oscillator. What is Tesla’s oscillator you ask? Well, it is a pocket-sized machine that has enough power to destroy entire cities in a matter of seconds with vibrations. However, He had to smash the device into pieces when it nearly crushed his laboratory. All his works had two things in common, they were all impossible at our time, and all of them were unsuccessful.
Although, he did have a few notable achievements. During his prime, Tesla lit up the dark streets of Buffalo and New York by harnessing the power of Niagara Falls. BC Hydro who? . The existence of neon lamps, remote controllers, x-Ray guns, UFO’s, bladeless turbines, and radio’s were all his responsibility. This brings us to the decline of his somewhat decent career.
Tesla wanted to provide free energy to the world forever wirelessly. Yes, I said wirelessly. All your newfangled cellular telephones would be charged instantly, anywhere on this globe with the click of a button. What was this project called? The Wardenclyffe Tower. The Wardenclyffe would have been the biggest achievement in his life, and he would fulfill his destiny of helping humanity. Well, obviously that hasn’t happened like always. Why didn’t he succeed? Because his investors found out that there was no money to be made. Halfway through building the tower, funding fell through, and Tesla’s final gift to humanity crumbled. Tesla became a recluse and slowly became depressed, broke, and lonely. He would never be the same again and spent the last 16 years of his life befriending pigeons, and wondering what he did wrong. My adversary died January 7th, 1943, penniless, mentally ill, in debt, and in a hotel. To this day, engineers still cannot replicate what he could have done. Tesla sacrificed his entire life to changing this very day, and you wont take the hint!
He must have loved the human kind a whole ton to have said “I don’t care that they stole my idea. I care that they don’t have any of their own”. With all the greed in this world, no wonder he died insane! I may have hated the man, but I do hold respect for him as his entire life’s work was dedicated to making the world a better place, even though the world would never give him a chance. He was a man without greed, and I believe that’s what ultimately lead to his fall. He may have had one of the highest IQ’s\ in the world, but he was dumb enough to be this kind. I have stolen many of his inventions and taken credit for them, and so have others. To this day, his legacy lives on in engineering books no one reads. Even though he was a major reason that I was so successful, The only thing crueler to him than me was the world. I can admit to my actions and say that he, is truly eminent. One day, the people of this earth will finally be intelligent enough to understand and use his works, and when that day comes, we will no longer be bound to this earth by technological limitations.”